My Ephiany

 On an October day I parked my car in front of the high school and as I waited for my son who would have conferences the next day I observed the following 

Approximately nine yellow school buses were parked in front and they were being loaded by high school juniors and seniors decked out in Halloween costumes some of these kids clearly had down syndrome some of these kids were in wheelchairs some of these kids were most likely blind because they had seeing devices and some of them were an unidentifiable disability to me as having disabilities. Clearly this was a gathering of specially abled children there were many adults near the children some of the adults or actually guiding the children and following them to the destination. Some children were more independent and could walk and talk and get on the bus all by themselves most of them were independent thinkers and independent doers I did not see a lot of interaction between peers as I have witnessed other high school students. But there was a lot of smiles and happiness and costume shares as I saw snow white Darth Vader superman Pinocchio peter pan a police officer a sheriff a princess a B and many other recognizable characters for Halloween

This is when I had my epiphany

Clearly each of the students had an IEP and we're under the guidance in care of special-education teachers just like my son Carson.

CAPS

ACTION FIGURES. Independent. Focused persistent. Alone  child-like

Other projects: collaborative. Mature. Adult concepts effective. Creative. Group effort. 

Am I the problem? 

"WE" survived!!

One principle learned in Cognitive Behavior Therapy is think with the "end in mind."

It worked ... sort of ...

 

8 am on Saturday and my OCD/ADD/Tourette's 18-year-old is safe in his bed sleeping. He fell asleep most likely around 3 am (I was snoozing, but barely) after watching a movie at a female friend's house. He and his Prom date, whom drove 3 hours away to attend the dance, finally landed at this safe spot. (Coincidentally his date arranged to sleep-over at this spot before driving the 3 hours home the next morning.) After being rejected from 4 friend's "after Prom parties", the couple lamented on how to spend the rest of their "magical" prom night while sitting in a mini van in my driveway ! The clock read 11:00 pm.

Another Mom's lamented experience with "Normal"

These writings, discovered in my FB feed, reflect my son and my families experiences, thoughts and principles learned over 15 years of parenting a LD child.

13 REASONS WHY: My PERSPECTIVE

Spring events 2017:

(my personal opinions are based on my own sphere of influence and experiences. I am not a professional nor do I have science-based evidence)

My husband is a pediatric hospitalist and IF a teen attempted suicide and failed, the teen would see an ER doc, be admitted, and be treated by a pediatric hospitalist to stabilize vital organs.

Mental health professionals, who are available during the hospital stay, also begin taking histories. A lot of emotional & physical work is involved.

Senior Awards Ceremony: my perspective

--3 celebrations including Honors Awards Assembly, Class Day, & "Graduation"

--Same 50 names read, cheered for, paraded on stage for all attendees to honor

--Because my graduate got a 33 on the ACT, he was amongst a group of 75 celebrated, but their names were not read

--Unfortunately, during the Honors ceremony, the moderator accidentally "SKIPPED" this elect group to stand

--Nobody NOTICED--NOBODY really cared how much effort was offered for this accomplishment

--Ironically, my son's seemingly "best friend" from elementary school sat in front of us. This kid has visibly not understood my son since he began ticking in 4th grade and their friendship lessened.  I witnessed my son congratulate him during this ceremony for his many awards and the student nodded his head and moved onto other friends.

--Even though the mother & father of this boy and I about 10 years ago used to be neighbors and had several deep conversations, the mother and I have barely interacted during the handful of events we were both present at.  I gave up a few years ago even engaging in conversation with her as it became too painful as our common interest was no longer a "friendship."

--I don't blame or hold grudges; simply need to save my emotional energy for supporting my son and my own family

--Prior to attending the Honors Award Ceremony, I repeated the words "Don't OVER EXAGERRATE--"Don't OVER EXAGERRATE--"Don't OVER EXAGERRATE--"Don't OVER EXAGERRATE--

--Only 45 minutes of witnessing the SAME group of kids receiving HIGH ACADEMIC awards wasn't torture, but provided a feeling of great HOPE for the future

--We celebrated my graduate at a yummy GELATO restaurant PACIUGO

 

*My husband is not pictured. 4 night shifts and the current atmosphere at the hospital has left him "photogenically" deprived!!!

Opinion: Lifted from COMMENT section

I DID NOT WRITE THIS, but found it in a comment section. I wanted to re-read this so I copied and pasted here: It is a valid perspective and I am not trying to plagiarize, simply COMMUNICATE!  Forgive me if someone takes offense.

(I do not know the author)

"I first and foremost want to say I am by no means a professional or have any kind of formal education on psychology in any and/all its subcategories. 

This series doesn't "clearly"  communicatie anything. I want to make this abondently clear because this series, or anything else for that matter, doesn't "clearly" communicate anything. 

If it did "clearly" communicate something , then there wouldn't be any sort of debate or disturbance like there is because it would be obvious. 

Separating Entertainment VS Reality: 13 Reasons Why

WEBSITEs addressing current Netflix series and its consequences to teens:

Sydney Morning Herald: haunting images

CBC news: is it exposing the truth or a "primer" to teen suicide?

Washington Post: students are harming themselves and siting "13 Reasons"

HELP SITES:

Crisis Information site 

USA TODAY:  high school facts

13 reasons why a conversation about rape culture is as important as one about suicide - USA TODAY

https://apple.news/AsEzFTDBwQK27ZtGCz_w3vw

SUICIDE PREVENTION SITE:

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: a teachable moment

Today: Psychiatrist states that Netflix should remove 13 Reasons because ...

Entertainment: Paris Jackson-Why 13 Reasons is extremely triggering

 

 

Tourette Association of America: Carson presents to 200 elementary-aged- kids

Here is a link to videos of Carson's presentation inspired by the Tourette Association of America

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/jzJ77y1UhdM?list=PLj_jpj9lBobpdF8i4u3w6SO9Mj1SItM_J" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/jzJ77y1UhdM?list=PLj_jpj9lBobpdF8i4u3w6SO9Mj1SItM_J" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Emotional decisions for the entire family

My oldest son graduated from College TODAY. I had a ticket purchased, but felt so strongly that I needed to stay home to support my 17-yr-old third son. So at midnight the night before my flight, my husband booked a ticket for my 10-yr-old daughter as we could not just have her go "as me!" It ended costing us $1,100 for the 2 of them to go. I am so grateful we had the means to do this. As much as I would of loved to be at the commencement ceremony celebrating, I am so at peace with this decision. 

BUT it also gets worse......

I am nearly emotionally spent parenting my third son. Tourette's and ADD in 3rd grade and clinically diagnosed with OCD last year, his public education has been extremely time-consuming for him and me--he is a junior in high school and got a 33 on the ACT, but I stayed home because he is failing 2 classes and his IEP and special ED teachers and other teachers are just as confused as us with his symptoms:  behavior vs. brain chemistry. I don't want to even imagine him trying to take these classes again and going through the OCD heart ache! 

I have been with him through Habit Reversal Therapy, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, and OCD/ACT and know that I learned more than him!!!!

WHEN will he begin to embrace these therapies and acknowledge help from others????

PS My husband used the Periscope APP  to video the 2-hour LIVE event so I was "virtually" there.

Rally for Tourette in Washington DC

#Rally4Tourette

#TouretteConf16

My 17-year-old son and I flew to DC for a 2-day Youth Ambassador training for the Tourette Association. We stayed in the Alexandria, VA Crystal Gateway Marriott.

My son and I got to share our personal stories with 2 KS senators legislative AIDS and 1 Congresdional legislative aid!

Children and Gardens: NEGLECTING either grows a NOXIOUS product

Rainy, overcast days lead to sunny, dry soil and that leads to being a supportive community member. HUH? you ask.

Gardening...lawn care...property maintenance...digging...weeding...sweating...planting...spending...cursing...sun....bugs

and on and on!

PROPERTY OWNERS BEWARE...
 

Neglect is a passive form of abuse in which a perpetrator is responsible to provide care for a victim who is unable to care for himself or herself, but fails to provide adequate care.

Labeling PILL containers

GENIUS!!! Now anybody caring for my father's medical needs can administer his medicines and clearly identify each pill obtained by the pharmacy.

Here is my PINTEREST BOARD which includes helpful insights in the health challenges my father and mother have faced.

Teens, Tourette's and OCD: an upate after 3 years of silence

My favorite color is blue. It makes me happy. I bought this purse after only a 3 minute search through the Kohl's 80 percent discount aisle in March of 2015. It reduced my stress.

I bought this book 3 hours later at a Barnes and Noble while hanging out with my handsome hubs, 16-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter. We looked like a normal, happy family just beginning a much deserved Spring Break and buying a few new books for our time-off.

But the day was far from NORMAL.....................

Our son had just met for 6 hours with this neuropsychologist:  DR. JOSH HALL,  to be evaluated for an IEP.

For at least 3 years prior to this day, my son with Tourettes had developed hormones and anger and independence and OCD. These raging chemicals in his body preparing him to pro-create and bring life to this lovely, beautiful and complicated earth created by a loving, all-knowing benevolent Heavenly Father, had caused much frustration with our relationship as parents. WE FELT HELPLESS.

Parents of teens remain silent on social media for the protection of their beloved offspring. Parents of teens with Tourettes are even more silent!

Our knowledge, support, love and guidance to our beloved son certainly did not stop during this time. I have gathered a lot of "digital" files and a stock pile of motivational quotes and phrases to help me navigate these treacherous years.

I've contemplated, persepherated, and rationalized posting these thoughts and wanted my words to be "just right."

This long, laborious and emotional process has been .....well ..... It has sucked big time!!

I am done trying to write the words just right and explain.... I AM JUST HITTING POST and moving on. Who will really read and digest this info anyway?

--Dr. Joshua Hall 


LINK to my PINTEREST PAGE and information on Tourettes.


Current Plan of Action

1.  Secure and maintain an IEP with local school administrators and other team members
2. Submit needed documents to the ACT to request more time
3.  Sign-up for a one-on-one tutoring class in preparation for the ACT:
4.  Investigate local community colleges and their offerings to specially abled individuals with IEP's
5.  Continue to follow-up with appointments and medicine prescribed by psychiatrist, Dr. Battersson.


ACT  accommodations--March 2015

TWITTER ACCOUNTS: 

Stumbling into a cadbury "prize" depends on how fast you go!

My exuberant daughter is seen in this video "stumbling" on an Easter candy prize! 



How many times a day do we "stumble" into something because we were running so quickly through our day? 

--a fantastic sale on a needed item
--discovering a long-lost "hidden" treasure we stored away in a SAFE place 
--the other half of a favorite pair of shoes
-- cadbury eggs frozen in your freezer (bought for a $1 after Easter)
--a UPS package on our doorstep
--our children quietly engaging in a game together
--a spontaneous hug from a teenage son
--a hand-made card created by a kindergartener who is now in college
--a birthday card from a grandmother no longer living

These are "prizes" and when we take a moment to treasure them, are daily "runnings" are validated and we are affirmed of our divine callings as mothers!

Spring Break: what a difference 10 years makes--Part 3 (1990-2010)

 The "possibility" of meeting family/friends and the "reality" of making it happen

 Participating in my brother's wedding was the catalyst for a 3-week road trip.  Arrangements for this gathering took place a year in advance.

Past Several months before hitting the road to San Diego, we also contacted dear college friends and asked if we could visit them in Las Vegas while passing through. After several phone calls, the date was set and specific directions were given to their home. We got lost, AGAIN!

Present  The FIRST day of our trip, while on a remote highway, I accessed my FACEBOOK account and left a message for two Arizona friends.  Minutes later, I read my "in-box" messages on FB and began to make arrangements to meet. While waiting in line at Disneyland and Universal Studios, I logged-in again and like "magic" we secured the plans--when, where, how to meet in Arizon! Using our handy, dandy GPS, we NEVER got lost.

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.  ~From the television show The Wonder Years

Look forward to a post in 

2020 listing the travel changes--

"Portable self-contained Urinals "

Imagine the Possibilities

Spring Break: what a difference ten years makes--Part 2 (1990-2010)

Part 2---As families prepare to load up their mini-vans, suitcases, and stash of cash, memories of past vacations come to mind. This is the second of three posts reflecting on how technological advancements have changed how we prepare, plan, and participate in family outings.

4. We go together like ramma lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong 

Past-- We thought we had invented the genius idea of putting our cell phone number in our third son's fanny pack in case he got lost. During the 1 1/2 hours he WAS LOST, he never even thought to TALK TO A STRANGER and share our cell phone number. Because we only had one cell phone, we relied on WALKIE TALKIES to stick together. The problem was, so did every other of the 10,000 visitors to the park. Access to an open band was impossible. (we got lost MANY MANY MANY times)

Present-- A much more creative approach to preventing child endangerment (besides a parent's approach to discipline) is BLACK PERMANENT MARKER. A SPRINT texting plan and 4 phones worked wonders at preventing the inevitable separation that takes place with 6 people on different entertainment agendas trying to maneuver the park to see ALL attractions and get your $300 a day worth of FUN!

5. Creative ways to pack food and supplies to carry into the park so we could still pay our mortgage AFTER our vacation

Past As mom's of multiple children know, a stroller can pack a load of crap for any outing. Diapers, wipes, bottles, diaper creme, blanket, extra clothing, video camera, camera, sunscreen, sunglasses, water bottles, cooler, mini fridge, portable TV, rope, legal drugs, camel back filled with diet coke, etc...That is how we survived the theme parks with these 3 boys.  
Present One VERY HEAVY pack carried by mom carried all the supplies we needed. Boost, water bottles, medicine, cell phones, camera, video camera, passes to the parks, etc. 

6.  Using the internet to secure lodging and entertainment
Past--A six to nine month reservation was required 10 years ago and yellow pages and AAA were a reputable source to gather information, although extremely time-consuming.
Present--Sites such as PRICELINE work like magic for finding an affordable and available hotel the day BEFORE needed and one can find a Walmart for food and supplies anywhere in the USA---except Orange and Los Angeles, County. 

 A balcony breakfast from a luxurious resort overlooking a golf course was our BEST FIND!  Somehow, Dolly Madison donuts from Smiths, felt dummy downed for the occasion!

Spring Break: what a difference ten years make--1990-2010

As families prepare to load up their mini-vans, suitcases, and stash of cash, memories of past vacations come to mind. What a difference ten years makes. This week, my posts will reflect on how technological advancements have changed how we prepare, plan, and participate in family outings.

1. Technology and the Internet

Past--We had to tote a small suitcase to transport maps and books from AAA in order to plan the trip; (still got lost MANY MANY MANY TIMES with emotional meltdowns in between) 5 pieces of paper contained typed important information as well as a calendar. The paper carried remnants of Mcdonald's ketchup at the end of the trip. We filed it away in a scrapbook as he drew a pretty great drawing of a cat. 4 months in advance, we began negotiation to secure the "right" price for accomodations and recreation.

Present--I carried an I-POD Touch that fit in the palm of my hand. Phone numbers, addresses, email, calendar, Wi-Fi access to helpful information--all at the touch of a finger. Activities to keep the kids entertained while waiting in line motivated me to ALWAYS have full battery power. (I would've stored virtual gum in there if I could!) We named our price on Priceline the day before we needed a hotel and arrived at our destination safely by listening intently to our friendly Garmin GPS with the sexy voice. (never got lost)

Itinerary--Day 1 and 2: Mini-van loaded with "entertainment" accessories kept everyone sane during the 2-day trip to NewPort Beach, CA. We booked our first night sleep in Albuerque at a Starbucks (free WI FI) 200 miles out of town. We were led their by our GPS to the hotel.

Using Expedia 3 days before we left, we committed to a CHEAP 3-day stay in Newport Beach 15 minutes from Disney and 5 minutes from the beach!!! Using the free WI FI in the hotel, we printed off 3-day passes to Disneyland and Universal Studios for 6 people. (we then transferred cash to make sure our account did not crash!) If looking for a place to stay, check out Disney Vacation Rentals 

The "UNABOMBER" decided to join us on our vacation and appears in many pictures. The "disguise" provided needed protection from the harming sun's rays. Strong acne medication makes your skin vulnerable to damage.

2. Keeping everyone PLUGGED up or PLUGGED in

Past- A pacifer, fruit snacks, lollipops, gum, jolly ranchers, duct tape, etc. was used throughout this trip to keep the young from screaming. As persistent young parents, we encouraged many educational activities during the long road-trip such as reading, puzzle solving, math facts. ONLY a 1/2 hour into the trip, the fighting began. A western Wyoming Walmart was a welcome site as we dumped the old uncomfortable car seat and "installed" a new one to keep the prince happy. We would've paid anything to make him stop screaming. BEST IMPULSE purchase ever was the stand-alone DVD player. It may have sucked the brains out of the kids, but it kept them ALIVE!

Present-- With the purchase of our 2007 Honda Odyssey mini-van (a Carmax success story) keeping all 4 kids PLUGGED in was easy. (we never worry about sucking their brains out anymore, just our own SANITY) The only daughter could listen to Disney show tunes with the wireless headphones while the teenagers could listen and watch Harry Potter movies on the DVD and rock out to Green Day. The splitter allowed all 4 kids to listen to the DVD movie hanging from the wall while the driver peacefully made his/her music selection.

3. An independent fashion consultant

Past Wherever we traveled, Mom chose the wardrobe. Making sure all boys were matching was not only a fashion statement, but a safety factor. Traveling through all the parks with 3 boys made us crave caffeine and high doses of anxiety meds. These matching GAP shark shirts (found a deal) were tugged on many times, dragging the disobedient into the safety of the "gam."

Present-- Lists of clothing items to take and the number of pairs of underwear and socks were given to each boy in hopes that the chosen wardrobe would make it into the suitcase. A close observation in the photos taken, one will notice the SAME shirt, pants, etc on the teens each day. (Of course, my girl was dressed by Mom and willingly took suggestions of color choices). During a long line at Disney, I observed my youngest boy wearing a pair of shorts that DID NOT even ZIP up. They were two sizes too small. An experienced Mom just made him pull his t-shirt down.

God Made Us To Do Hard Things

(originally published in 2013)

With the assistance of my Momma, a milestone that I have intensely feared most of my adult life was reached this week. Even though the agency of my father was breached, it was for his own protection.

As I sat across the table, for the first time, looking into the eyes of Dad's beloved financial planner whom he has respected and revered for many years, the weight of this meeting hit me. Tear-filled eyes brought me to my feet and I asked to be excused so I could collect myself. 

Was THIS day really here?

With power of attorney in hand, I was prepared to speak on behalf of my father.

Financial affairs of my parents have always been handled by my Dad. Although not always in agreement with the handling of his assets, it was his free will and choice.

This meeting felt like I was taking his agency away, but for his own good and with his wife's approval.

Then a visual came into my head of my Dad in 1993. We lived in Milwaukee and my Dad and dog Muffy showed up unannounced on our apartment doorstep from Kansas!!! The walk to the park with 2-year-old Brandon being dragged by a very frisky and excited Lhasa apso would not leave my head ALL day!

Dad's quick pace and quick wit and the dogs short, quick legs kept us moving forward!! Despite the frigid Wisconsin January breeze, the 4 of us kept on freely running to our destination.

Even though THIS day Dad was not quickly running, nor freely choosing, moving forward to a destination was just as necessary.

So I dried my eyes, turned around, and walked quickly to face the next milestone in my life. Even though my Dad nor a dog were present to keep me moving forward, my free choice was.

Here is my PINTEREST BOARD which includes helpful insights in the health challenges my father and mother have faced.

Raising my Aging Parents!

(originally PUBLISHED IN 2013)


My Dad is sick.

Very, very sick.

He spent 4 days in the hospital because of a bladder infection that needed IV antibiotics. He was also dehydrated. Since the holidays, he has fallen 5 times and needed assistance getting up.

He will only eat liquid sustenance, barely!!

He barely communicates!!

My wonderful, faithful, loving and kind mother has done her best to assist him in his daily needs and tries so hard to boost his spirits. She hardly ever leaves him alone.

He is weak, only gets up to have a bowel movement and spends the rest of the day in bed.

YES--we are being proactive with physician care, treatment, medicines and testing to determine possible causes!

He has lost 40 pounds since back surgery in April and a repeat surgery in July. He has not been very mobile.

But saddest of all: he is NOT my Dad who loves:

--to hear how old friends are doing
--to go to the SPA and listen and meet new people
--to watch BYU football or other sports on TV
--to attend his grandchildren's school and sporting events when available
--to spend time with his family and listen to his 4 daughter's talk about "chic" stuff
--to catch up with his only son concerning all things sports
--to talk and share stories with anyone who will listen
--to eat shrimp with his buddies
--to eat raspberry chocolate shakes from Red Robin or a McDonalds ice cream cone
--to play and cheat at card games
--to drive a truck that delivers food to needy people in rural communities
--to help stock shelves at our church's food warehouse
--to serve other people
--to play and take care of babies, children and his grandchildren
--to eat any leftover hospital food that the patient did not consume (Tonight, I ate my DAD's hospital leftovers)
--to be my DAD!

Today, after he only consumed four bites of chicken noodle soup and had two small bites of ice cream, he laid back in the hospital bed.

I loudly scolded him (oh, forgot to mention, he can barely hear) to be a BIG MAN and eat some more chicken noodle soup.

He did not say a word. Just silently smiled and laid his head on the pillow.

A few moments later, he arose, sat at the edge of the bed, and began to take a few more bites.

I most likely will never know if he did this because of my loud plee for him to eat or if he saw my tear-stained face and blood-shot eyes!!

He is still my Dad and I am happy to help him with his daily needs as he has always been there for me
and my family.

Here is my PINTEREST BOARD which includes helpful insights in the health challenges my father and mother have faced.

Diagnosis: Tourettes--5th grade presentation

Just when you think you are settling into accepting a medical diagnosis that may change how your tween reacts in middle school, you show up at his middle school family fun night and observe him.

Quiet, sullen, alone and seemingly ignored around a crowd of energetic, happy and enthused tweens. Tears freely surface as I reflect on the other occasions (too many to list) that this observation has occurred.

No one knows their children like their mother and I have had the privilege to learn so much about my third son by participating in his medical appointments and therapies we have chosen to support to help him understand and deal with his tics and lack of attention.

He is honest, caring, capable, determined, talented, observant, and loved by so many--just not kids that attend his middle school!

Doesn't every parent want their kid to be accepted, loved, and included in school classes and activities?